There Are No Rules

I'm sure every writer goes through a non-writing phase. Okay, not every writer. Because I happen to know one writer in particular who writes like a maniac and makes me look bad. Not that it's hard to do when my word count totals for a month don't reach even 5,000. I wrote so much in November, winning Nanowrimo. After that, I lost interest (or needed a break or something) with writing. Sure, I liked my story, but I couldn't find the motivation to write. And still, several months later, it's like pulling teeth. Or any dentistry work, for that matter.

But a few days ago, I was sifting through notes and papers and happened to look at the novel I had been working on last summer. You know, that manuscript you push aside and forget about because you lost interest? Well, guess what...12K into it and I dropped it at a perfectly easy spot to pick it back up.

But wait! I told myself. I must finish my Nano book. I'm less than 5,000 away from the ending. I could do that in a night or two if I really set my heart on it. But my summer book calls to me. Why do I like it now? Who knows! I don't even understand why I lost interest. But what I figured out is that there are no rules for writing a novel. Sure, if you have a contract, you better finish the book. And it better not suck. But me? I'm free as a bird. And last time I truly listened to my heart and wrote what I wanted, I loved writing so much I couldn't be stopped from working on that novel. So what is a girl to do? Trudge through the last 5k so I can get to the other book? Or just go straight for the prize: a book I'm excited about writing? I know the correct answer, at least for me...but who knows if I'll follow my heart or my head on this one.

Happy Writing!

The Triumphant Return

I knew if I gave myself time, that one of these days, I would just sit down and write. Sure, I expected to write a ton that day, but the point was that I wrote. That day was Friday. And ever since then (I know, a whopping two days) I've sat down and wrote a little each day. It isn't the 500-1000 words I was used to in the spring, but I'm working towards my goal again.

It's weird how time can change your perceptions of things. I re-read what I wrote so far for my work in progress and I like where it's going. Do I know if it will work? No. But I'm motivated to work on it none-the-less. As for my previous WIP, I think I've delayed enough. It's time for the dreaded querying process. Normally, I jump to query my books. I'm so attached to them, I think they're awesome, etc. But this time, I waited. I now am not sure how I feel about the book, but I know when I left it, I liked it. And I have a query ready.

So, what was holding me back? Was my life just so busy that I didn't have time? Probably not. I think it was fear. I still was too attached to it. Sure, it'll hurt to get rejections still, but maybe it will hurt less. Or maybe I just needed to wait until I was ready to send out letters and try to sell myself and my book. Either way. This weekend is a weekend of change. Writing and querying. Has it been a triumphant return? Only time will tell...

Patience

Sure, we all could use a little patience. Being a writer, I'm familiar with patience. There are characters to listen to, plots to unravel, and words to write. But the patience I'm writing about tonight is patience with myself. The last few months, I haven't worked on my writing very much at all. And today, I've finally allowed myself to be okay with that.

I will write when it comes to me. I will write when I have the energy, and it is okay if I take some time away from it. Most likely, now that I've given myself permission to not write, I will want to. But either way, I'm not a professional writer; I do not have to meet goals set by other people. I still want to be a writer, but I also work full-time. I have the drive to write, but have other needs as well. And for now, those other needs are sleep, reading, relaxing, organizing my life, and feeling good about myself.

Happy writing to those of you who are! I'm sure I'll be joining you soon.

And PS- I got a kitten to keep my other cat company. Meet Neko!

Realization

It has been a while since I last posted. I have been meaning to write all about my BookExpo America experience, and I will. Just not tonight. Expect that this weekend (and now that I've written it here, I am more likely to actually do it).

What I am here to blog about tonight is about a realization I've just come across. Sure, I've been writing for years. Some years more seriously than others. There was even a time where I wasn't certain I wanted to write for the rest of my life. Sure, I knew that I loved creating stories. And I knew that there was nothing else I could possibly think of that I loved as much as writing. But still, I had doubt.

Last weekend, I started a new novel while my previous WIP is out for edits with friends and family. I postponed working on it for a while. I used excuses like I had no plot in the middle (which was true), but now that I'm finally writing it, I really know this is what I want to do. I love the whole process of writing. I truly love it.

I adore getting those little ideas that pop into my head at the most in opportune moments. I love, seriously love, plotting books. And I used to think I only put up with the process of writing, but that's not true. I like it. Every moment is a discovery. Of my characters, of the worlds I'm exploring, and of the things that are tucked away in my head that I wasn't even aware of. I dream about my characters, imagine them in my life, or doing every day things. Those are definitely enjoyable experiences. I even enjoy editing. Although, I find criticism hard, who doesn't?

What do you LOVE about writing?

Just a little Addiction

I have been mining my brain all day for a good blog post. As I've read all my favorites today, I came across some good ones, but my post would involve quoting another blog. And I just wasn't in that sort of mood.

I've just finished lunch, and as per my usual, I popped in a piece of gum. I've never had 5 gum before (but seen the tons of commercials they play), and man, is it strong! Which instantly made me think about all the little things I do when I write to keep sane. To keep moving and thinking. And sometimes, to become insane.

Gum. I love gum. Especially minty gum. If there was an addiction meeting held and I had to stand up, I would say something like this: "Hello, My name is Samantha and I'm a mintaholic." But I've heard that mint is good for you (and not just your breath). It certainly helps wake me up, sometimes it helps me focus. But it gives me something I can do while I type. I can chew gum. I can blow bubbles. I can suck on a candy.

And that got me thinking about what other little things I do compulsively while I write and plan. One thing I love to do, and can annoy the crap outta anyone around, is to click pens. I limit it to only when I'm alone, or really stuck on something that is on the tip of my tongue (or fingers, if I'm writing it).

What do you do? Twirl your hair? Bite your fingernails (I've been known to do that too much)? Tap your foot or feet? Hum? Think aloud? Drink ten cups of coffee?

Have a good and productive weekend!  

Oh, and if you like mints, 5 gum is killer. Seriously, I more often than not, have to throw it away even when it is still minty because it is burning my tongue. :)

I'm back!

Okay, it has been a really long time since I last blogged. Shame on me!

Now that we're halfway through the second month of the year, I decided it was time to stop putting off blogging. And I really did have things to say (even in January) but never got around to it.

It's quite silly that one of my resolutions was to blog more. Obviously, I haven't quite reached that. But I have been working on a new novel. A different new novel. The old novel I was working on in December, I decided wasn't working for me, so I switched to something new. A book I had been dying to write for a year, but because of the themes and characters I thought it wouldn't sell well, or maybe not even find an agent. But then I decided, I was going to write for me. Because I felt passionate about the book. And I'm loving it right now. I'm almost to the 40K mark.

Besides writing, I have a goal to read 4 books a month. So far, I'm doing great. I've read so many great books and that lingering guilt I get when I look at my TBR (to be read) pile has lessened.

Lastly, I've been going to a gym. It's hard work, but I'm really surprised as how motivated I am to go. And the more I go, the better I feel. Which leaves me to wonder why I was never going to the gym before. I think it's rather like a blank page. It's hardest to get over that start. To start writing a novel, to start filling the blank page. Just like it's hardest to find a gym and sign up and then get into the routine of going as often as your goals require.

Hope this post finds everyone well. Time to catch up on my blog reading :)

OH! And let me say, for anyone who loves Heather Brewer and her great Vlad Tod books, go here! She's giving away hoodies and they're lovely.

Guilt

Yes, this post is about guilt. Guilt I thought was only mine, but as it turns out, many writers have guilt. I should be writing this week (and more than one picture book), but I haven't. I wasn't even going to write the picture book, but just as I was falling asleep Tuesday night, it came to me and wouldn't stop until I'd written it all down. I'm glad I turned my light on and started scratching away at my notepad by my bed. But after all that...nothing!

I didn't work on my novel. And everyday I don't write, I hear that nagging voice in the back of my head. "You could be writing right now." "How will you ever become an author if you don't write everyday?" "How long will it take you to finish this book if you don't write it??" Yes, my voice is very annoying, but somewhat truthful. I know I won't just never pick up writing the novel again. It's a book I've revised many times, and this time, I'm completely rewriting it.

I'd like to blame sleep. I didn't get much the week before, and last weekend was full of family visiting time and cooking. So, this week, I've been mostly dead to the world. But a new weekend is looming ahead on the horizon, and I feel it's endless possibilities. Plus, my best friend/muse, Allie, berated me last night for feeling guilty (you know that just ends up with more guilty feelings, right?) She said that I should stop feeling guilty (duh) because I might come to feel of writing as a chore if I feel all this guilt about it. While she is partially correct, I think the guilt will always be there, and if it wasn't, that would be a sign that I didn't care anymore. That I had given up on writing. So, at the same time, guilt is a good thing. Who knew? But the one feeling that can never be beat? Complete elation when I've written tons and tons, and the words are flowing out of my fingers and accumulating on the page. That, my friends, feels wonderful.

Happy weekend and happy writing!

Gone a Long Time!

My life has turned all the way around. It started right after my birthday, near the beginning of May. I got sick, one doctor said it was a kidney infection, another (weeks later) doubted that and said it was probably the flu. But I had a temp of 103 and was out of work for a while. Then, I started to get better, and I caught a bad cold from my boyfriend. The cold made me cough, cough medicine did not help, and then I pulled a muscle in my left ribs. No fun. So, needless to say, I was sick for about a month. And I've spent the two weeks since, trying to catch up on sleep, things at work, and clean the apartment to prevent further illnesses.

After all the sickness, I decided I needed a change. I cut my hair and added highlights. And I started work on a new novel. I got so far last week, but this week work and fatigue have hampered my writing. I really need to push myself to keep it going. I'm at about 9,200 words. How is everyone else in their writing endeavors? Any words of wisdom to keep me going or stories of success (not necessarily meaning publishing, but perhaps finishing)?

Happy Hump Day, glad to be back.

Sacrifices & Gains

I follow Nathan Bransford's blog, and a few days ago he asked what we had to give up to write. I read through half of the posts (there are so many!) and I've been thinking about it ever since. Many women said they aren't going to have children so they can write (I'm not sure if that's the only reason or not), or even getting married or being in a relationship.

I'm sure we've all made sacrifices, sometimes more on a certain day than others. I've given up my dream of becoming an actress. I've given up hope of ever getting paid a lot of money. But my dream is different now. I want to get married, and have children, and be a stay-at-home mom and writer all in one. Is that unrealistic? I don't think so.

But this post isn't just about what you or I have given up. I want to know what you've gained from writing? I've gained wonderful friends that I don't think I would have connected with if it wasn't for our love of writing. I've gained a wonderful ease in writing essays (for school, which I am no longer in), I've gained a ton of characters that I know intimately. I could probably go on and on. But the one thing I've truly gained is a love for the written word and the appreciation of being able to write novels, one of the things I love the most.

How about you? What have you lost or given up (temporarily or forever) and what have you gotten from your writing?

Happy May!

New beginnings

So after a long hard night of sitting at my computer, contemplating my queries and rejections, talking to my muse (also known as my best friend Allison), and staring at my book, I decided to put down the series I was working on and focus on a new book for now. I think that maybe the first book doesn't stand out the way I thought it would, or maybe it just isn't the time for it to shine. Who knows? Certainly not me, or else I would have queried something else. I may still query it, if I'm feeling particularly inspired to do so. It's hard because I worked so much on it and on the query and it took such a long time to get where I am now and it feels like it was all for nothing...

But the new book I am working on is actually my very first book. I have made some rather large decisions on how to change it. It will be completely rewritten (all for the better) and I will write it this summer. I know the characters really well, and the plot could use some changing, and when it is all done, I really feel like it might stand a chance of getting me an agent. Then again...I thought the same thing of my trilogy...

But in this world of writing, one can only guess at what will and won't work, and in the meantime, all any of us can do is try.

Doubt

I haven't written all week. I'd like to use work as an excuse, but I work 5 days a week, regardless...I guess it is just that time in my life, where I get rejections back, and read about a bunch of agents, and wonder if I'm really wasting my time.

Don't get me wrong, I love to write. I love to plan novels and discover characters, and know them so intimiately, it's like they are alive.

But then there are times where I wonder if I should even be querying my novel. Will anyone like it? How do I know if anyone (besides my friends) will actually want to read it and keep reading it once they start? Should I start another project and hope that does better with queries? There are just so many unknowns. So many pitfalls. I didn't think I was being "writerly depressed," but this post definitely sounds like it, huh?

Point is, I haven't met a single goal in a week. Will I ever be able to sit down and write everyday? If not, how will I become a fulltime writer (if anything ever gets A. an agent and B. sold)...

Goals

So I decided that I was going to set a goal for myself. It seemed to really spur me on during NaNoWriMo. I reached 50,000 words in a month, but since then have done very little with the manuscript. Until today. I decided I wanted to reach 75,000 (or the end) by the end of this month. I calculated it, and if I started tomorrow, I would have to write 1,191 words a day. Assuming I started at 50k. But I didn't start at 50, I was somewhere closer to 53, which gives me a few days leeway, just in case. Well, tonight I wrote even more and now am close to 54,500. Already ahead. Not only does that make me happy, but it makes me want to write more. I'll worry about if it's good once it's done. And since it's the sequel to the one I'm querying now, who knows if it will even see the light of day. Book one has to sell first, right?

Well, it's getting late and I'm actually feeling pretty good about myself right now, so I'm going to call it a night. Happy Writing!

Bouncing Back

I've had some time to think about the two reviews. I've even gone through and identified all the spelling errors and just plain dumbness. There may be some truth to both of them. I mean, is it coincidence that both were bad reviews? That both people said they cared less about my characters and thought it didn't make sense? Or was it because they knew so little about anything because they only read the first chapter? Either way...I have some thinking to do with that manuscript. I haven't sent it out since that fateful day, and I'm not sure if I will continue to send it out or if I will work on it some first. It's so hard to decide, sometimes, what works better if you have two ways of starting a novel. I could just try writing the novel a new way and ask those who have read it which is better?

But the important part of this blog today is that I wrote something today. It was barely a page, but it was a page nonetheless. I don't know what novel I will work on next (Not sure I have the mental capacity to plan another novel vs. work on one already planned), but at least I'm that much closer to finishing the one I started in November. And to me, that's something.

Naive

I'm quickly spiraling into a dark place. Perhaps I finally have the answers I've been wondering for a few months. Am I worthy of being published? Of even having representation from an agent?

Apparently...the answer is no. Prose I thought was good, maybe even great in parts was described as: basic, stilted, elementary.

There's more to say, but I don't even have the heart to blog about it...

Lonely Queries

I am finding out more and more recently that I query agents and have the energy to write when I am alone. My nights are full of making dinner, exercising (or trying to) and general cleaning of the apartment. There isn't a night that goes by that I want to write or send a query, but most nights I don't even write a word. But tonight, when my boyfriend was in class, I was able to *trumpets blaring* send out three whole queries! I was on a roll! Brave, yes. Rash, maybe a little, but I sent them out just the same. And then he came home...and it's been an hour since I've worked on anything...I'm sensing a pattern (something that I need to get over).

First Day of Blog

Lately it seems that I write the same items on my to do list: Write, Query agents, clean, work out. Unfortunately, I get the last two done and never the first two. Working full time is quite different than going to school full time. I like not having homework, and I definitely enjoy getting paid, but the long hours are killing my creativity. When I feel inspired to write, I'm too tired or at work and "need to answer the phones." How does someone with a full time job become a full time writer at the same time?